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Posted on in Family Law

Four Keys to Co-Parenting After DivorceYou may have filed for divorce in order to free yourself from your spouse, but both of you will remain connected as co-parents to your children. As much as you may dislike each other, you need to cooperate in raising your children. Your parenting agreement lays out the technical terms of how you will share your parental responsibilities, such as a parenting schedule and decision-making powers. On a personal level, there are four keys to making a co-parenting agreement work:

  1. Mutual Respect: You must respect your former spouse’s role as a parent to your children, who love and admire him or her. Speaking poorly of your co-parent around your children can be hurtful to them and ultimately alienate them from you. Complaining about your co-parent or contradicting his or her rules is giving your children permission to disrespect your co-parent. You should keep your opinions about your co-parent private from your children.
  2. Consistency: Your children should have consistent routines and rules in each of your households. Meals and bedtime should follow a familiar schedule. The children should have similar expectations about appropriate behavior with each parent. Consistency helps children adjust to having two homes. When one parent is too lenient with his or her discipline, it undermines the discipline that the other parent is trying to instill.
  3. Communication: You are not parenting in a vacuum. You need to know what is happening with your children when they are with your co-parent. A child may have a problem that requires you to work together. You must be able to talk to your co-parent about your children in a peaceful and constructive manner. Keep the conversations brief and focused on your children. Try communicating by email or text if having a live conversation is too difficult.
  4. Flexibility: Following the rules of your parenting agreement is important, but there are times when it is practical to allow exceptions. Your co-parent may ask to see your children on a different day than normal because of a conflict in his or her schedule. He or she may want to modify the agreement because it is not working well. Being reasonably flexible in your parenting schedule may help you when you need a favor from your co-parent. Most importantly, consider whether your parenting arrangement still works best for your children when presented with a change of circumstances.

Contact a McHenry County Family Law Attorney

It is important for co-parents to make decisions that are in the best interest of their children. A Crystal Lake, Illinois, family law attorney at Botto Gilbert Lancaster, PC, can help you create a parenting agreement and modify it when your children’s needs change. Schedule a free consultation by calling 815-338-3838.

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Illinois State Bar Association State Bar of Wisconsin Crystal Lake Chamber of Commerce Illinois Trial Lawyers Association McHenry County Bar Association
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