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Subtle Signs That You Have Moved Forward From Your DivorceYour emotional attachments to your marriage will likely persist after you have completed your divorce. You can truly say that you have moved past your divorce when the memory of it no longer dictates your actions or weighs on your thoughts. It may take months or even years to reach this point, depending on your personality and circumstances. The paradox of getting over a divorce is that you will know that it has happened when you no longer think about it. Here are four subtle signs that you have emotionally recovered from your divorce:

  1. You Are Not Triggered By Reminders: There are some things that you naturally identify with your former spouse. It can be as random as a song, food item, outfit or conversation topic. When you experience one of these things, you are immediately reminded of your marriage. You may always associate these things with your former spouse, but you will know you have gotten over your divorce when this recognition does not lead to larger thoughts about your marriage.
  2. You No Longer Keep Track of Your Former Spouse: Immediately after your divorce, you may be curious about your former spouse’s activities. Social media has made it easier to keep track of your former spouse than ever before. You are comparing each others’ post-divorce lives in hopes that he or she does not find happiness before you. Seeing that your former spouse is dating again or having fun makes you angry and jealous, even though it has no effect on your life. When you have moved on from your divorce, information about your former spouse’s life will not phase you because you no longer compare yourself to him or her.
  3. Divorce Does Not Dominate Your Discussions: It is easy to tell that you have not moved past your divorce when you are always drawn to the subject during conversations. This is particularly noticeable when you compare a person you are dating to your former spouse. Moving on from divorce means you are judging your new relationship on its own merits. When people ask you what your marital status is, you say you are single instead of divorced.
  4. You Can Have a Civil Encounter with Each Other: You can prepare yourself for interacting with your former spouse if you know you will be seeing him or her. It is during a surprise encounter that you may become emotional. You avoid interacting with him or her because you are afraid that any conversation will quickly turn into an argument. The awkwardness will always be there, but someone who has moved past a divorce can be civil around his or her former spouse and even ignore attempts to bait him or her into an argument.

Post-Divorce Preparations

To help you move on from your divorce, you need a divorce agreement that you feel settles matters between you and your former spouse in a satisfactory manner. A McHenry County divorce attorney at Botto Gilbert Lancaster, PC, can help you negotiate your divorce settlement. Schedule a free consultation by calling 815-338-3838.


Recognizing Four Emotional Mistakes During DivorceMaking a mistake during your divorce can put you at a disadvantage and possibly result in a negative outcome in your agreement. An experienced divorce attorney is with you to prevent technical errors in the legal process. However, you are equally responsible for avoiding mistakes in your attitude and thought process. Here are four common emotional mistakes that divorcees commit and ways to correct them:

  1. Going It Alone: Hiring a divorce attorney is always the first step when starting a divorce, but you will need other people to help you throughout the process. Close friends and family provide emotional support and relieve some of the pressure of your daily responsibilities, such as childcare and household tasks. There are also financial advisers and mental health counselors who are trained to help people going through a divorce.
  2. Focusing on Cause of Divorce: It is natural to continue questioning why your marriage is ending during the divorce process. However, this discussion should not be part of the divorce negotiations because it distracts from the practical issues you must settle. The fault in your marriage is a discussion you should have with your spouse before you decide to divorce. After you have decided to divorce, discussing the reasons for the divorce will only cause arguments.
  3. Seeking Revenge: Resentment towards your spouse can cause you to misplace your priorities during the divorce negotiations. You should always base your decisions on what is best for yourself and your children, not on hurting your spouse. You may feel satisfied by withholding a marital property or parental responsibilities from your spouse, but you risk hurting yourself and your children in the process. Your resentment will eventually subside, but your regret over your vindictive choices will stay with you.
  4. Obsessing Over Winning: You need to protect your personal interests during your divorce negotiations. However, a good divorce agreement will include some concessions on your part. The law entitles your spouse to an equitable division of marital property and a share of the allocation of parental responsibilities. You should start your negotiations with a clear set of goals and an understanding of what you are willing to cede to your spouse. Compromise can allow you both to get something you want. Stubbornness will delay negotiations and force a divorce court to decide the issue for you.

Constructive Process

The personal nature of a divorce can cause emotions to dictate your decisions when a calmer approach may get better results. A McHenry County divorce attorney at Botto Gilbert Lancaster, PC, can guide you through an amicable divorce that ends with a beneficial agreement. Schedule a free consultation by calling 815-338-3838.

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