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Recognizing Four Emotional Mistakes During DivorceMaking a mistake during your divorce can put you at a disadvantage and possibly result in a negative outcome in your agreement. An experienced divorce attorney is with you to prevent technical errors in the legal process. However, you are equally responsible for avoiding mistakes in your attitude and thought process. Here are four common emotional mistakes that divorcees commit and ways to correct them:

  1. Going It Alone: Hiring a divorce attorney is always the first step when starting a divorce, but you will need other people to help you throughout the process. Close friends and family provide emotional support and relieve some of the pressure of your daily responsibilities, such as childcare and household tasks. There are also financial advisers and mental health counselors who are trained to help people going through a divorce.
  2. Focusing on Cause of Divorce: It is natural to continue questioning why your marriage is ending during the divorce process. However, this discussion should not be part of the divorce negotiations because it distracts from the practical issues you must settle. The fault in your marriage is a discussion you should have with your spouse before you decide to divorce. After you have decided to divorce, discussing the reasons for the divorce will only cause arguments.
  3. Seeking Revenge: Resentment towards your spouse can cause you to misplace your priorities during the divorce negotiations. You should always base your decisions on what is best for yourself and your children, not on hurting your spouse. You may feel satisfied by withholding a marital property or parental responsibilities from your spouse, but you risk hurting yourself and your children in the process. Your resentment will eventually subside, but your regret over your vindictive choices will stay with you.
  4. Obsessing Over Winning: You need to protect your personal interests during your divorce negotiations. However, a good divorce agreement will include some concessions on your part. The law entitles your spouse to an equitable division of marital property and a share of the allocation of parental responsibilities. You should start your negotiations with a clear set of goals and an understanding of what you are willing to cede to your spouse. Compromise can allow you both to get something you want. Stubbornness will delay negotiations and force a divorce court to decide the issue for you.

Constructive Process

The personal nature of a divorce can cause emotions to dictate your decisions when a calmer approach may get better results. A McHenry County divorce attorney at Botto Gilbert Lancaster, PC, can guide you through an amicable divorce that ends with a beneficial agreement. Schedule a free consultation by calling 815-338-3838.


When to Exercise Patience During Your DivorceOne of the obstacles you must overcome during your divorce is your own impatience. There will be times when you feel that your divorce is taking too long and draining you emotionally and financially. You must resist the urge to speed through a divorce to get it over with. A hastily completed divorce may include oversights that leave you at a financial disadvantage. However, there are cases where spouses unnecessarily drag out the divorce process. You need to recognize the difference between inefficiency and impatience during your divorce.


There are many ways that spouses can needlessly prolong their divorces, including being:


Should You Announce Your Divorce on Facebook?Telling people about your decision to divorce can quickly become an emotionally exhausting task. First, you have to figure out an appropriate way to bring up the subject and how much information you want to share. Then, you brace yourself for the awkward responses and follow-up questions. Each conversation is rehashing a painful part of your life. Some people have decided to announce their divorce on social media so that dozens of conversations are consolidated into one. Facebook is the most popular medium for these announcements because it is ubiquitous and does not have character limitations. However, you should take your time to craft your message and consider whether this type of announcement is appropriate for you.


Facebook is not the first place you should go once you have decided to divorce. There are people who deserve to know about your divorce before you make the news public. You obviously need to have personal conversations with your children and other family members you are in regular contact with. You should also consider personally telling your closest friends. Think about how you would feel if you found out about your best friend’s divorce on Facebook. By telling them in advance, you are showing your friends that they are important to you and that you may need to rely on them for support during the divorce.


Responding to Domestic Abuse Accusations During DivorceYour spouse can drop a figurative bomb on the divorce process by accusing you of domestic violence or child abuse. Besides the potential criminal ramifications, the accusation may temporarily prevent you from seeing your children. The restriction can become permanent if the investigation substantiates the accusation. Unfortunately, some spouses will make false accusations of domestic violence or abuse, knowing that it will put the accused at a disadvantage. You were previously concerned about getting a fair share of the allocation of parental responsibilities, but you are now fighting to have any access to your children. When your spouse accuses you of domestic abuse, your divorce attorney can create a strategy to contest the accusation:

  1. Comply with Court Orders: The court may immediately respond to your spouse’s domestic abuse accusation by granting a temporary order of protection, prohibiting contact with your spouse and children. You may feel defiant towards the order if the accusation is false, but it is important to cooperate and contest it legally. You may be arrested for violating the order, which your spouse will use against you during the divorce.
  2. Understand Your Past Actions: Before accusing your spouse of lying, you should consider whether your past behavior qualifies as domestic abuse. Verbal harassment, intimidation, and willful neglect are all forms of abuse, though they may not have the same legal consequences as physical abuse. If you have been emotionally abusive in the past, agreeing to seek counseling may help you maintain parental rights.
  3. Build a Defense: As the accuser, your spouse must show that the domestic abuse claim is legitimate. However, the burden of proof when deciding parental responsibilities in a civil divorce case is not as strict as when you are facing criminal charges. Thus, you will need to gather evidence showing that you are not abusive by nature or that your spouse has a motive to lie. Collect correspondences and bring in witnesses that attest to both your and your spouse's character.
  4. Keep Your Cool: False accusations of domestic abuse will make you angry because they are deeply personal to you and manipulative by your spouse. However, you should refrain from emotional outbursts or threats against your spouse, whether in court or in private. By retaliating, you are helping your spouse by demonstrating your abusive behavior. You must remain calm while still adamant that the accusations are false.

Your Parental Rights

When a divorce court believes you are a danger to your children, it can deny you parenting time or limit you to supervised visits. A McHenry County divorce attorney at Botto Gilbert Lancaster, PC, can help you disprove false domestic abuse allegations in divorce court. Schedule a free consultation by calling 815-338-3838.


Missing Response Deadline May Lead to Default DivorceBeing served notice of your spouse’s intent to divorce may shock and upset you. However, ignoring or avoiding the notice is never in your best interest. Failing to attend scheduled divorce hearings will not prevent your spouse from divorcing you. Instead, the court may grant your spouse a default judgment on your divorce. In a default judgment, your spouse will be able to dictate the terms of the:

A court will not approve a default divorce agreement that is clearly unfair to you, but the agreement will still favor your spouse. Your now-former spouse will be able to seize certain properties and possibly require you to make monthly support payments. You must respond to your divorce notice to avoid a disastrous default judgment. If the court has already approved the default judgment, you may be able to vacate the judgment.

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