We cannot control the timing of many events in our lives. However, when it comes to divorce, it is wise to do it at the right time for you and your family. It is also important to plan for your children’s needs when getting a divorce. While you might not be able to control when your spouse asks for a divorce, if you work together and put your children’s best interests first, it is possible to make it official at the right time, depending on the circumstances.

High-Conflict vs. Low Conflict Divorces in Illinois

If there are constant fights with yelling or screaming, or violence in the home, it is probably best to complete your divorce sooner rather than later. Violence and spousal abuse will have a greater negative effect on your child than a divorce, regardless of their age. On the other hand, if you are in a low-conflict marriage but have irreconcilable differences, you may choose to wait to complete your divorce. 

However, this does not necessarily mean you should stay in a rocky marriage for the sake of your children. This often does more harm than good. In the end, it is healthier for children to have divorced parents than to live in a high-conflict household. Choosing to end your marriage can also be beneficial for your children as they form their own personal relationships down the line. Children in high-conflict households with parents who did not get a divorce are actually more likely to get divorced as adults. 

Each year, when the clock strikes midnight on December 31, people around the world celebrate the ending of the year and welcome in the new year. One of the most popular traditions that is observed for New Year’s is making resolutions to improve yourself and your life. For some people, this may mean quitting smoking or eating healthier and exercising more. If you are going through or have recently finalized your divorce, there is no better way to start your new year than by making it a priority to be happier and healthier than ever before. 

With just a few weeks left in 2020, it is not too early to start thinking about how to make 2021 better for yourself and your children. Here are a few New Year’s resolutions that you can commit to in the wake of your Illinois divorce.

Resolution #1: Pick Your Battles

Fighting with your ex is exhausting. For many couples, divorce means constant arguments and opposition about nearly every aspect of the life they once shared. The divorce is probably not even the beginning of the fighting. You have most likely been arguing with your spouse about trivial things—and non-trivial things—for years. In the coming year, try to be more selective about your battles with your ex. If you feel an argument about to erupt, try to determine whether or not the fight is worth it. Chances are that things will be easier and you will be happier if you just refuse to fight.

Studies tell us that divorce is one of the most difficult life events for children and adults alike. Even under the very best of circumstances, research shows it takes a significant emotional toll on everyone involved, often leading to long-term psychological effects that require a healthy support system in order to successfully cope.

Among the countless stressors that often arise throughout the course of a divorce, experts tell us there are certain aspects of the experience that have a particularly strong impact. Children can be especially susceptible, as they experience many of the same painful challenges adults do, often with heightened emotional responses. 

Here are some of the biggest stressors of divorce and the struggles they present for children and their parents: 

Among the many challenges you may face when getting a divorce, going through the grief process in the midst of the transition can be difficult, especially when so much is vying for your attention. Distractions abound during the split, and the demands can easily pull your focus from taking time to recognize and manage the stages of grief as they surface. Your fluctuating emotions and high levels of anxiety during the divorce process can only be ignored for so long, however, before your mind and body force you to deal with the inevitable mental toll.

The Signs of Grief

You may be familiar with the five stages of grief, as defined by the Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in the mid-20th century. The five stages include Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. As with any other loss in life, the loss of a love and a marriage can trigger the grieving process, although everyone experiences it differently and at different intervals. For example, it is common to experience the stages in various orders, such as jumping from anger to depression, then back to anger again. Some signs you are experiencing the effects of grief include:

• Debilitating sadness - This usually accompanies the Depression stage, although a chronic sadness throughout the entire grief process is common. You may feel a general loss of interest in anything and everything that usually makes you happy, and you might not feel like getting up or going to work. However depression affects you, it is important to rely on your support system and speak to a mental health professional for additional support that your friends or family may not be able to provide.

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It is hard to imagine a world without social media, yet these sites have only been around for about 15 years or so. There is no debate over how quickly sites like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram have become a crucial part of society, with many users posting much information about their lives on a daily basis. Scroll down any site’s news feed, and you will likely find an abundance of information regarding your family, friends, coworkers, and acquaintances—the good, the bad, and the ugly. But, can posting all this personal information have an effect on the outcome of a couple’s divorce or child custody dispute?

Many family law attorneys will instruct their clients to carefully limit what they post to their social media sites and may instruct them to stay off of these sites completely until their divorce case is settled. On the other side of the coin, attorneys also use these sites to gather evidence against the other spouse, and even innocent postings can be spun to cause serious damage to the other side’s case.

Social Media Posts Often Lack Context

It is not uncommon for a person’s social media to be used to call their parenting abilities into question. For example, a person who is a very good parent, completely involved and responsible in their child’s life, might go out with friends one night—something that is a rare occasion for them. A photo of the group of friends out and having a good time at a nightclub and toasting each other ends up on Facebook. Suddenly, that photo is being introduced as evidence in a child custody proceeding in an effort to suggest that the person is an irresponsible parent who drinks too much. As the old saying goes, “A picture is worth a thousand words,” and without the proper context, such a photo could certainly create a less than flattering impression.